Happy Blogaversary!!!

At a performance in February

One year ago today I published a post on this blog for the first time. I believed that it would be an experiment and I anticipated adventure. I am pleased that I have managed to post at least once each month for all but two months. Honestly, though, I'm feeling frustrated.

I feel as though I haven't moved much at all. Then, again, I guess it depends on where I look. I'm still doing the same work and living in the same place but I have successfully transformed how I eat, lost 20 pounds, kept off 16 for six months, and I have made significant progress with my 400 things project. I still intend to celebrate everything.

I am (still?) standing at a crossroads. Which way I go is not entirely up to me. Perhaps that is what feels so uncomfortable about it. Three weeks ago I was fully mentally prepared to move out of New York city, to find relief from the relentless circle I run in trying to keep ends met.

I adore this city. This time last year, the thought of leaving it was unbearable. Three weeks ago I was tired of constant debt and some of the harsher parts of living here (the spit on the sidewalks is really annoying me, for some reason) and I am considering that there are places in this country where one can have a lovely one-bedroom apartment for under $700.00 per month and get fresh oranges for less than $1.00 each.

I have been thinking that I could live on something like $10,000.00 a year and pay off my student loans in five. The loans are currently about $153,000. Paying that off in five years means paying at least $30,600 per year or $2,550 per month. With the loans paid off, I would be free to get on the road and live the nomadic life I have dreamt of for the past year.

I am working on how to achieve this goal. This, actually, is the frustrating part: Realizing that I cannot realize my dream for an untethered life until I have paid off that loan. I wonder, too, why I cannot have the lifestyle I seek while paying off the loans.  I am exploring ways to achieve that, too. A lot can happen in five years.

I do know that paying off these loans is a pre-condition to fully living the lifestyle I seek. When I have overcome the burden of those monthly payments I can take my trailer and Ger and dog and guitar, haul everything with a diesel-powered Chevy truck and travel the country singing my songs and selling my CDs and writing about it.

This dream is an unfolding road with unforeseen twists along the way. And, when I really think about it, frustration is good. It is energizing; it inspires movement. For that I am happy.