F*** my life my house is burning down.
Now, my friend is known for his sagacity, on the one hand, and a ribald humor on the other. This status update seemed to fit neither of these characteristics. Perhaps, I thought optimistically (I'm celebrating everything, remember), perhaps he was being metaphorical. Maybe he'd had an argument with his wife. Maybe he was playing a video game and had lost.
Two hours later, he posted a shaky camera phone video confirming that, indeed, his house, along with some of his neighbors' homes, did in fact burn down. The video is titled, "Bye Bye to my House and Everything I Own". I'm supposed to be celebrating everything, right?
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| Craig and Shelley's House |
My friend is homeless. Every material possession he and his wife and three young daughters had, everything save the clothes on their backs, whatever they had in their pockets, and the car he sat in across the street from his home, watching it burn, everything is gone. The fire was covered on the news.
In all, five homes burned down. Forty-five people were left homeless and pretty well destitute.
I have found it unhelpful to say to suffering people, "I know what you're going through", mainly because that isn't true. It also isn't helpful to say, right away, that material things are nothing, just be thankful you are safe. It can be a while before one who loses everything forgets what he or she lost. More accurately, one doesn't really know what one has lost except that they know that they have lost everything. The unknown consequences of that loss - that is the scary part. And one cannot just un-scare another person. It is a process.
I do know something about losing everything. I have a very different relationship to things now than I did five years ago. Oh, there wasn't a fire but I told myself to believe that there was. There might as well have been. When I left my ex-husband, I literally left with the contents of two suitcases. At least I had that.
I remember laughing at myself that first afternoon in my new apartment. I had flown on the red-eye to JFK from California, taken a cab straight from the airport to the rental office, picked up my keys and moved in. I felt scuzzy and wanted to take a shower. No curtain. I felt hungry and wanted to cook dinner. No pots. Not even a fork. I went running to the store when I encountered no toilet paper.
I was completely overwhelmed by everything that had happened over the prior 18 months. I felt utterly helpless. I had no wits left. That was the point. I was meant to learn this: When you don't know what to do, do nothing. Just ask, trust and celebrate. The universe (yes, I said that) reciprocates and fixes things. And so I let go and I trusted. Amazing things happened. Miracles happened. My community stepped in and did for me in ways I could never repay. I would never have known such mind blowing wonder but for losing everything.
I am wishing the same experience on my friend and his family. Losing everything sucks. It just does. Eventually, however, perhaps a year or two from now, they might not remember what most of those things were. But they will remember this.
This morning a friend of theirs set up a GoFundMe campaign to raise $5000.00 for the family. Within one hour $610.00 had been donated. I see no reason why the goal won't be met within the next 24 hours. This outpouring - now that is something to celebrate.
If you would like to donate (what an awesome rush that is) please click the link below. Even $5.00 can make a tremendous difference. That's toothpaste. Or a couple dozen eggs, a carton of milk, all kinds of stuff. The reward to you for participating is beyond monetary measure and so is the joy you will bring to this family. Pour out the blessing! Let us give this family a reason to celebrate everything.
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